The Joy of Vanities

After putting away (some) childish things, young(ish) Desultory Eclecticism discovered a method for determining which past friends and acquaintances it had not spoken with in too long: meet with them, exchange pleasantries, and see if they suggest becoming a sportswriter--"your write well; you like sports..."  When riding in cars, Desultory Eclecticism still likes to turn on sports radio just to remember how seriously Gus the accountant takes the Bears' decision to hire offensive coordinator 1 over offensive coordinator 1A; however, "The Decision" has raised no career path regrets.  Instead, Lebron James-gate provides a fun macrocosm of a professional commentariate generating controversy by missing the point entirely as the talking-past-each-other rift in the cutesy neverland of sports media has shown itself to be every bit as large, irrational, and vehement as the divide between Fox News and Pravda (yes, it still exists).

It began after Lebron and Co. lost to the Celtics in Round Two of the Eastern Conference playoffs and ESPN's J.A. Adande suggested that Lebron take solace in the ultimate fulfillment of Kevin Garnett, a solid, perennial All Star who had to leave home in his old age to team up with another aging perennial All Star or two in order to win a championship.  An odd career arc for Jordan's still-only-25-year-old presumptive heir.

Another article discussed the importance of themed jewelry, noting that Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson, Larry Bird, and their collective 14 championship rings occupy a different tee box from Karl Malone, Charles Barkley, and their empty fingers at all-time greats golf outings.  The article fails to mention that Gary Payton's legacy was not bolstered in any way by picking up a ring the Darko way on a bygone loaded Heat team, nor that the diamond-encrusted Lakers logo would have had to come off during Karl Malone's jersey retirement ceremony in Utah (you know, had The Champs not beaten the Lakers' experiment in 5).  Notably absent from the golf outings are the heavy handed Steve Kerr (5 rings) and Dennis Rodman (also 5).  

Today Scoop Jackson reminds us that other star athletes skipped town in their primes to join forces with more promising franchises.  Alex Rodriguez left Texas for New York, and after 6 seasons and the additions of Mark Texiera, C.C. Sabathia, A.J. Burnett, Andy Pettitte, and $73,000,000 to the highest payroll in baseball history, was vindicated by hitting .286 for a team that finally didn't crumble in October.  Reigning MVP Moses Malone left Houston for the aging Dr. J's 'Sixers, and both got jewelry. Same when Clyde Drexler joined Hakeem Olajuwon in Houston.

That's really nice, and if Lebron James wants to have a nice time and keep historical company with Moses Malone, Dr. J, Clyde the glide, and Kevin Garnett, that's neat too.  But Lebron James was not supposed to be Clyde Drexler or Kevin Garnett, Moses Malone or Karl Malone.  Sitting in Ann Arbor watching The Champs beat game 3 out of the Spurs in 2005, a naive young empiricist queried why Wilt Chamberlain and his superior statistical accomplishments (if he'd only known) was not considered the greatest basketball player of all time; Desultory Eclecticism rudely ended any possibility for further discussion by stating flatly: "Michael Jordan played in 6 NBA Finals and won 6 NBA Finals MVPs."

Jackson reminds us that Michael Jordan was never in Lebron's position, thus no one can prove that he wouldn't have run off to Detroit or L.A. as a talented-but-trophyless 25 year-old.  You can't prove that Joshua--with an assist from Yahweh--didn't effect that "the sun stood still, and the moon stayed, until the people had avenged themselves on their enemies" either; some of the greatest scholars of their generations wasted entire careers searching for the "missing minutes"--after all, is not this written in the book of Jasher?  The space ship behind the comet was similarly difficult to disprove.  Yet everything we know about Michael Jordan suggests that we can evaluate the available evidence and reach a reasonably confident conclusion.

Yes, Michael had Scottie; Magic had Kareem and Big Game James; Bird had Parrish and McHale; Shaq had Kobe, then Kobe had Pau.  Teams win titles.  Greats need help.  But they're not supposed to need Dwayne Wade AND Chris Bosh level help.  Odds are Lebron Inc. gets at least two rings over the next 5 years.  Scoop Jackson can argue that you can't prove that he wouldn't have gotten them by staying in Cleveland, or by joining a strong-but-sensible supporting cast in Chicago, or by moving to the Garden.  The point is that we should have had a seat on the battlefield in Gibeon.  Instead, the most unbelievably freakishly talented basketball player in the history of this blue-green earth has opted to remove himself from the Michael-Russell All Time Greatest debate so that he can move into the frat house he missed out on when he skipped college to become a millionaire at age 18.  If you can't beat 'em, collude.

Who wins here? Kobe Bryant.  After wasting a few years of his prime sulking on mediocre teams (the baseball years?), Kobe had put himself in a position to at least enter the Jordan-Russell debate.  Pop psychology suggests that, had he been born with lesser physical gifts or into a time and place that did not present such a rewarding opportunity to sublimate his pathologies, Kobe Bryant would have either been locked away for the good of society or else led that society into a disastrous two-front war.  Instead, he has moved into the gym from which he will not emerge until October, sleeping in 15-minute intervals every two hours and eating all of his austere, hyper-nutritious meals out of the same simple wooden bowl.

If, after death, an idosyncratically cruel Nike pits Desultory Eclecticism against Scoop Jackson in a feat of judgmental strength, Desultory Eclecticism will concede the lesser man the first pick, ceding the latter's hypothetical team of death Lebron James.  Until Thursday, in this situation, Jordan would have been the unquestionable pick here; even after June 2011, he's still probably your ticket to the Elysian Fields, but at least you may have to think about it.   

More Politics and the English Language

Dan Drezner and Desultory Eclecticism choose to prick their sewing needles into different, equally correct corners of the following pin cushion:

PANETTA: I think what's happened is that the more we put pressure on the Al Qaida leadership in the tribal areas in Pakistan -- and I would say that as a result of our operations, that the Taliban leadership is probably at its weakest point since 9/11 and their escape from Afghanistan into Pakistan. Having said that, they clearly are continuing to plan, continuing to try to attack this country, and they are using other ways to do it.

TAPPER: Al Qaida you're talking about.

Now, it is possible that CIA Chief Leon Panetta is using precise language to conceal a commonly oversimplified point.  After all, while Hizb-e Islami warlord Gulbuddin Hekmatyar--often referred to in the popular press as a member of the "Taliban leadership"--is doing reasonably well for himslef, this only serves to underscore Panetta's shrewdly concealed revelation that Hekmatyar, after hostilely opposing Mullah Mohammad Omar's original Taliban movement in the 90s and only loosely allying himself with the broader anti-NATO campaigns of the new American century, is in fact not actually a member of anything that can be plausibly defined as a united "Taliban leadership" and can thus be doing just as nicely as he pleases.  Perhaps if Panetta would lay this out a little more clearly when addressing a lay Sunday morning audience, his interlocutor would not be forced to question whether the Director of the CIA just used "Taliban" as an interchangeable synonym for "Al Qaida."      

Festivities

Well, other people have made fun of soccer in general and of the World Cup in particular sufficiently for Desultory Eclecticism to leave it well enough alone.  That said, the upcoming tournament has precipitated its share of arguments.  In a frighteningly autobiographical twist, Desultory Eclecticism has been selected head chef and junior concierge for a the upcoming visit of several out-of-town friends-of-friends.  As he protested to the lead hostess, this will interfere with his ability to watch a team of 7th-tier American professional athletes battle the most revered heroes of the English nation to a thrillingly glorious draw.

"John likes sports," the lead hostess protested, "you two can sneak off to the bar and watch the game."

"No, no," the head chef/junior concierge retorted, "this isn't a sporting event; this isn't something Cowboys fans even know exists.  It's a cultural event, more like a ballet or an opera or any other European custom you'll endure once just to be able to say you enjoyed it."

"I don't understand," the lead hostess continued, furrowing her brow in a vain attempt to understand the situation.

At least there's the consolation of philosophy:
    

Older than Jesus

"Verily, that Hebrew died too early...As yet he knew only tears and the melancholy of the Hebrew, and hatred of the good and the just...Would that he had remained in the wilderness and far from the good and the just!  Perhaps he would have learned to live and to love the earth--and laughter too.  Believe me, my brothers!  He died too early; he himself would have recanted his teaching, had he reached my age.  Noble enough was he to recant.  But he was not yet mature.  Immature is the love of the youth, and immature is his hatred of man and earth.  His mind and the wings of his spirit are still tied down and heavy."  

--Thus Spoke Zarathustra, "On Free Death" (trans. Walter Kaufmann)

Spoiler Alert: Desultory Eclecticism saw "The Oath" last weekend.  The documentary focuses on Abu Jandal, the Yemeni equivalent of a grown up high school football star.  Jandal drives a cab around Sana'a, struggling to keep his young family clothed.  Customers sometimes recognize him, and groups of young men listen wide-eyed to his tales of the glory days.  Sitting in his cab reflecting, eschewing the documentarian's questions, dressing his son for school, Jandal's eyes too often remember and lament that the best times of his life are past.  

Abu Jandal--obviously--was not a football star.  Not a guitar hero.  Not even a soccer player.  In the mid-90s, at age 16, Jandal ran away from home to join the Bosnian resistance.  After that war, he moved on to Afghanistan and became a bodyguard to "Sheikh" Osama bin Laden.  In 2000, shortly before al-Qaeda (unbeknownst  to him) was to attack the USS Cole in the Yemeni port of Aden, Jandal abandoned the lesser jihad to start a family back home.  As a well-known al-Qaeda member, he was arrested and held for over a year.  He learned of 9/11 three days late when, standing at the window of his jail cell and straining to hear the sermon from a nearby Mosque during Friday prayers, an Imam praised the attack.      

Ali Soufan soon came to Yemen.  He gave Jandal, a diabetic, sugar-free snacks.  A few days later Soufan gave him photographs.  Jandal recognized 19 of the men pictured.  Soufan thanked him for tying the 19 hijackers to Osama bin Laden's Afghan camps.  Jandal cried.    

Jandal then revealed much more useful intelligence, was thanked for his forthcomingness, completed a "Dialogue" program designed to rehabilitate jihadists, signed a pledge to forsake violence, accepted government seed money, bought a taxi, and began a new life as a constantly-monitored former holy warrior.  He may still despise Western hypocrisy, but his beverage of choice is Coca-Cola.  

Blasphemy Alert:  Jandal, unlike Nietzsche's Jesus, did not die too soon.  He must sometimes look down at his soda belly, at his cheap taxi, at his son's red undershirt, and wish that he too had died a martyr.  He scolds the new generation for abandoning the old ways--in his day, al-Qaeda used violence as a tool; today, you kids just want to blow s**t up.  He is intelligent, charismatic, reflective, lonely.  He has lived long enough to understand the futility of the lesser struggle.  

Former "Manson Family" analyst Michael Scheuer would prefer that he be "taken out," or at least captured and tortured.  What's the point?  Jandal counsels aspiring jihadists against going to Iraq, against using violence.  He remains loyal to his memory of al-Qaeda, but laments that his al-Qaeda has disappeared.  He is an ex-hero whose past divulgence and current banality serve as a far better deterrent to the young than predator drones or enhanced interrogations.

After the film, director Laura Poitras fielded questions from the audience (Desultory Eclecticism <3 NY!!!).  She updated us on the status of Jandal and his recently-freed brother-in-law Salim Hamdan.  She discussed the challenges of filming in the Middle East and of returning home to the States.  

She talked about the prospective jihadists who consult Jandal.  As he was, they are--frustrated, idealistic, well-read kids--Peace Corps types.  They were amazed--and changed--to learn that Poitras did not conform to their stereotype of a colonizing infidel.  A little positive contact can go a long way.        

Autobiographical Aside Alert: While traveling in Egypt, Desultory Eclecticism paid the tourist price (nearly 80 cents) for a bag of tamarind juice after an older vendor corrected his younger business partner's initial quote.  Desultory Eclecticism continued on to a small square, sat, ate, got up, looked around, and, after well over an hour, finally returned the way he had come.  Waiting for an opportunity to tail a woman in a niqab and thus avoid being hit by a reckless driver on Cairo's busy, loosely-regulated streets, Desulotry Eclecticism felt a tap on his shoulder.  He turned around; a young man handed him the equivalent of thirty-five cents, made a gesture expressing his desire to avoid any argument, and ran back to his tamarind juice stand.  Should Jesus of Nazareth one day return to Earth on a chariot of fire, Desultory Eclecticism will petition that Cairo be spared for the sake of its one righteous inhabitant. 

Go Los Suns

With the Pistons' season all over but the ping-pong ball, Desultory Eclecticism has shifted his casual allegiance to 'Los Suns', who last night wore their Hispanic appreciation jerseys in protest of Arizona's new immigration law, which the eminently sane Economist characterized as "Hysterical Nativism".  Governor Jan Brewer responded with an open letter on espn.com.  If we twist Brewer's partisan selectivity and skip over both extended sections and bad sports metaphors, we can come out of this believing that she is a good-old-fashioned Southwestern libertarian.  Two examples of creative reading:  

"Put simply, history shows that boycotts backfire and harm innocent people. Boycotts are just more politics and manipulation by out-of-state interests...It is time for our country to act to resolve our border security problem; an economic boycott in Arizona would only exacerbate it -- and hurt innocent families and businesses merely seeking to survive during these difficult economic times."

We'll give Brewer a pass on Apartheid South Africa and move on to a contemporary example of boycotts and sanctions: Iran.  While an out-of-state boycott of Arizona would damage its tourist industry at a time when cheap labor is sure to be flowing out, doing real damage to its economy and hurting "families and businesses merely seeking to survive during these difficult economic times" leading up to Federal mid-term elections, Brewer sees the real futility of economic coercion--economic self-interest tends to triumph.  The Chinese like cheap oil, and the Iranians like cheap toys and DVD players.  Even if sanctions were to keep Iranian oil from flowing out, domestic outrage would likely be directed towards the Great Satan choking the Straits of Hormuz, not towards the Mullahs.  With so many unknown-unknowns out there, Brewer-the-friendly-libertarian is really saying that the United States should "abandon its attempts to act as policeman for the world and avoid entangling alliances" because "free trade with all nations is a time-honored prescription for an America that is at peace with the world."

"A boycott that would actually improve border security would be to boycott illegal drugs. Dramatically less drug use and production would do wonders for the safety of all our communities."     

Undoubtedly true!  However, when people are willing to pay rhodium prices for a gram or two of an easily concealable substance, it becomes unlikely that 1) people will voluntarily stop buying that substance, and 2) people will voluntarily stop profiting from its trade.  The Arizona Libertarian Party goes rhetorical: "If the government can't even keep drugs out of prison, how can it keep them out of an entire nation?  The simple answer is: it can't."  Desultory Eclecticism admires Arizona Governor Jan Brewer's political courage to come right out and say "Legalize it!" and will be rooting for her in-state Phoenix Los Suns throughout the remainder of the playoffs.  

Finding Lost Time

Click on movie before reading on.



If you did not grow up in Michigan, then you did not spend the last 9 minutes 56 seconds in a gray '86 Buick LeSabre listening to AM 850 on your way to Meijers.  If you did, then Desultory Eclecticism hopes you enjoyed your Proustian moment too.


Farewell, Ernie Harwell. 

DAM it

Desultory Eclecticism is not wont to facilely surrender his physical movements to the rhythmic intoxication of any music whatsoever, making concert attendance a socially awkward displeasure to be avoided at most costs.  He regrets letting this get the best of him last Friday night.  DAM was in town, all the way from Lyd, Israel, and as usual Foreign Policy has the story.  Desultory Eclecticism first became acquainted with the group when his '48 Palestinian Arabic professor, arriving to a Friday morning class a few minutes late, appeased us by popping in a DVD.  A clip from Friday night's concert (featuring a handful of Arab groups--the DAM guys aren't the ones with the British accents) is posted below, and you can read the lyrics here.  DAM's first big hit--"Who's the terrorist?"--follows.  As with--DISCRETION ADVISED!--Immortal Technique (and, hard as it is to concede, possibly even Glenn Beck) you don't have to agree entirely with the platform in order to appreciate the discussion and the delivery.